Elder scrolls Skyrim, always wanted to play it. I wake up one morning, felt like buying it, than something hit me; my empty wallet. Right on the face, lime God threw it, telling me, "dont play a wizard like Harry Potter, be a wizard like Jesus". Than i roll over and cry. I try to grab tissues, but grab air. All this time weeping for Skyrim. After wiping my tears with air and shame, god told me something else, "dont turn roll back". Ok, i roll back and god taught me 2 lessons. 1 listen to god and 2 watch where you laydown. You know why? Uh? I found the fucking tissue box after i lay on it and it folds and injects itself between my cheeks. God signing booty hits on people now? Didnt think there was enough sodomy after Sadom and thought one more was necessary? I hope your smiling you bastard, cuz now i good put on some of the ass cream that was being used for fapin ( budget fap is more important than a normal fap. Since your using weird materials, must sanatize, meaning lock your door tight and lock windows, unless your into that. DorrisWedding wedding collections in grey or sliver
Im gonna wobble my cheeks to a gamestop, crying because it almost got caught in my ass and buy some more tissues cuz my ass hasnt been cleaner, cuz that box, cleaned my ass better than toliet paper.
Still leaves me to being broke. I have options. Rob a bank, steal from family, prostitute, gamble what i got. To get skyrim, im gonna have to manipute some women like a necromancer( minus the corpse sodomy because having vaginal lips just break off during intercourse is a turn off. Prostitution it is than. Shopping list: lube, whips, crops, handcuffs, condoms, ballgag, creative rrussian safeword, a rope. Now im set.
Kenny this is Max, whats your rates for today? Depends what you want. Full contact domination. Ok, 100 bucks.
Max walks in and sits on the bed, looking at all the stuff. She gets excited. I walk in. In a clown suite, "welcome to clown college dear. Are you ready to blow up some balloons and get pie on your face". She looks at me, puts the money on tbe table and gets nude. "No need to get nude, we're gonna make balloons." I take her into the back room with another lady. Bend over max, i stick a balloon up her ass and the other lady. Follow her lead max.
The blond starts blowing up the balloon with farts. Max says she quit, its to hard. I tell her a joke, when a male cat jumps a female cat, does she enjoy the rape? No. When that same male cat gets hit by a car, does he enjoy getting his brains splashed in? No
When a woman pays to be dominated and has to blow up balloons with farts, is she enjoying herself? No
What does these 3 stories have in common? Life fucks you harder than your own decisions.
So, after blowing up a balloon, we go to the bedroom. She puts the ballgag in and i tie her up. Two more people come in and sit in a circle around her. She mumbles, what are we doin? We are gonna play duck duck goes. Frank here is gonna stick his beef down whoevers throat he picks. Frank runs around and stops on Max. He pulls the ball gag out and walks to the kitchen. He comes in and sticks a hotdog down her throat. Confused, yet happy cuz she didnt eat anything that day.
The clown has one more activity. He grabs some cotton candy from the kitchen, pulls down his pants and sits on the chair. He takes the staff of the roll of cotten candy and jams it in his urethra. The candy stands at attention. He calls max over and said eat the sweet food. She starts eating, turning the stick as it scrapes his insides.
As she left, he waddles to the door. I jump for joy and tbe thought if Skyrim. I run to the store and talks to the clerk "skyrim in ps4". Its all out sir. "Damnit". Wait, there's one left, but its used. Being happy was and understatement. I grab tbe bag, thanks the man and left. I get outside and he hears a loud squeaks. Its a large woman wearing heals, leaving drops of ink in her trail. The women gets in tbe car in front of him and starts tbe car. Vroom, it speeds into him and through the window. It goes right through the front counter of the store, ruining everything. The car explodes, destroying me and my precious. Im burning, rolling around in pain. I die slowly. Tbe fire trucks come and the mortician picks me up. Im holding the game tightly in my arms. The man peels it away and the box falls apart, dropping a note "i fucked your mom, now i fucked you. Enjoy the video of your brothers conception instead of the AAA game that made millions happy.